Lee Swords Fishing

Why Can’t I marry Katy Perry and have her as my second wife?

“Because my number one wife Tina would get all jealous about it and probably not share her with me…and anyway, it is called bigamy and is illegal in the UK”

But that’s not fair because it seems that every time I open the paper I am reading about some Muslim somewhere having more than one wife, ok, most of his wives are so ugly that he dare not take them out in the light of day without covering them up in a big tarpaulin sheet with nothing but a slit for them to breath through and look out of for fear of getting ridiculed and mocked for having married something quite so ugly.

But still it isn’t fair, it is wrong, the Law of the land says that a man may not have more than one wife and a wife may have no more than one husband at a time, otherwise it is bigamy and will get you put into a prison which is ironic as the person getting jailed for bigamy would in most likelihoods convert to Islam whilst on the inside so that they get better food, more free time and are not forced to shit facing the wrong direction of a morning. Yep, jailing a person for having multiple spouses would be pointless as they would come out converted to a religion that openly encourages polygamy….how very strange the UK is.

But anyway back to the original point…Why can I not marry Katy Perry when Iqbal down at the kebab shop has three wives? OK, two are his first cousins from his dads brothers both of which are carrying recessive genetic failing which has resulted in Iqbal’s kids looking like big nosed versions of ET that constantly drone on about their phones, conversations generally follow the theme of “I az got dat new iPhone innit…I can phone home like innit…Az yooz got a mobile phone like? My cuz can do yooz a good deal on a phone so yooz can phone home too like innit…yooz will be able to phone for a kebab az well innit…Tell dem dat yooz iz in mi posse and itz free delivery within four miles like innit!”

Thinking about it though, would I really want more than one wife?

The question is a simple one 

” Does she look like Katy Perry?”

If the answer is “yes” and there are no medical matters that need careful consideration such as the fact that some people have been mating with what are in effect their half sisters and brothers for 1400 years and as such have completely shit in their gene pool then I would like some equality on the issue, otherwise I would like every Muslim that boasts more than one wife rounding up and prosecuting for bigamy.

“Equality for all”

A message to Tony Blair

Are you calling “me” timid? I am neither timid not fearful I am simply disinterested and do not wish to send my blood over to Syria to help Fundamental Islamic terrorists overthrow Assad’s regime.

“And to prove my lack of timidity, I am offering you out”

At a place of your choosing I will meet you for a good old fashioned fist fight ( you can pay my travel costs as you’re not short of a few quid, in fact you’re one of the richest Socialists ever probably) and to make this a multicultural event that celebrates British diversity we will fight  ”Gypsy Rules” and have a proper “go” at it.

Now I cannot promise to talk as good a fight as this guy but use your imagination because that is me offering you out

http://youtu.be/jad82xVnSik

Tony you are shite in a  bucket

After the fight I will buy you a beer and console you with some meaningless platitudes like the ones you used to use on us hardworking cash-cow Brits you loved screwing over, I may even put a bit of a tremble in my voice and go a little bit croaky for added emotional content but the truth of it however will be that I will have fucked you up in ways that you can never imagine, leaving damage that will takes years to heal reducing you in ways that you have little concept of.

You will be a broken shell of a man, you will however be in a slightly better condition to how you left my country when you decided that you had taken the Brits for a long enough ride and went off to work on your European Presidency dream.

I on the other-hand will walk away with a straight back and chin up, sporting a smug expression and sore knuckles because I am a Briton and I am used to fighting through the shit…You however will be bent over and bust up because you are just a pathetic wretch of a man not fit to call yourself British.

PLEASE DON’T FORGET NEXT SATURDAY!

“WALK NAKED DAY”

Don’t forget to mark your calendars.

As you may already know, it is a sin for a Muslim male to see any woman other than his wife naked and if he does, he must commit suicide.

So this Saturday at 1:00 p.m. Eastern Time, all patriotic women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists. Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort.

All patriotic men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their houses to demonstrate their support for the women and to prove
that they are not Muslim terrorist sympathizers.

Since Islam also does not approve of alcohol, a cold 6-pack at your side is further proof of your patriotism.