…I don’t have that many monkeys left

 

For more years than I care to remember I have wanted a seven pound chub, I have come close a few times and on one occasion got within four ounce of the magic mark but those last few ounces are the ones that matter…

The biggest authenticated chub I have had was the 6lb 12oz one I had a few winters back although I have bagged a few as a very young bloke that were not weighed or measured but were indeed massive fish.

But without the benefit of accurate weighing all they are are memories, treasured ones I admit but memories all the same and not benchmarks that I feel I have to better.

Anyway lets crack on I haven’t got all day to blather on about fish I caught twenty five years ago, for crying out loud I have a new fricking PB chub to brag about!

And what a PB it is!

7lb 4 oz of Trent Chub!!!!!

I knew when the chub slipped over the cord that it was a good one because until that point I was sure it was a small carp!

When I flicked the head torch on and had a first good look, I swear I nearly shit in my kegs, there is a difference between a 10lb barbel and a 12 lb barbel in shape and composition but the difference between a 5lb chub and a 7lb chub is far more marked, the latter are colossal in proportions!

The quick check I have for good sized chub is the “shoulder grip”, a 5lb chub will “fill my grip”, if my grip is the right shape I know that I have a 5lb plus fish and will therefore need to weigh it to get an accurate reading.

The 7lb chub was so wide across the back that it opened the grip up beyond anything that would be useful as a means of holding a fish, just looking at the chubs head you can see that it is the size of a small dogs!

When I got home I was straight on to John Conway the records keeper at the CSG  as I wasn’t sure that a 7 had come from the Trent before this point to a CSG member.

 

As it turns out I was already the Trent record holder for the CSG with the chub of 6lb 9oz I had taken last season  that was snagged as part of the big mixed catch that included a fair few good chub that won me the CSG catch of the season award ( the fish 6lb 9oz chub wasn’t a PB and so it had slipped my mind)

The award that the 6lb 9oz fish went onto win for me however has not!

I have to admit that I love a trophy, I think it is the last remnants of the match angler in me, my only regret with the one I won with the CSG last season was the fact that I looked very very hung over.

It has to be said that the “Butty Bach” beer served down in Bredwardine is very very potent and more than likely to induce a proper headache upon those that take it for granted!

I think I have gone off on a tangent here…Come on fat boy keep on topic!!

 

Right, whats the topic? June, new fishing season , 7lb chub…remember? Ahh, yes, that’s it, the start of a new season and the loss of another monkey off my back!

There are not that many monkeys left to kill now…

So how did I kill the 7lb chub monkey?

I played the numbers game as is my style and killed a whole shit load of lesser monkeys in the process, I was killing monkeys like an Indonesian Palm Oil farmer or an Amazonian hardwood logger dependent on your point of view and whilst I am talking about monkey killers…

If you think you are being green buying “Bio Diesel” sourced from Palm Oil or any other pseudo green shit containing Palm Oil you are not, you are kidding yourself on, you are supporting and promoting the destruction of rain forest so that it can be replaced by a mono culture of Palm Oil trees and just to make things worse the farmers will kill any creature that reduces their crop…Buy Palm Oil…Support monkey killers.

Lee…7lb chub…Keep on topic!

 

Ok, back on topic…I played the numbers game…As I always do.

I caught everything in the area including the chub!

Well that may be a little bit of an exaggeration, I probably did not catch everything in the area, it just felt like I did! Many years ago there was a bloke who fished with the Tench Fishers and he did an article for the Angling Times about a series of mega catches he had made and in this article he made the statement that was to set in stone my philosophy on fishing, he said ” I set the table and invite everyone to attend”

And that is what I do…

I feed them and they come, it really is that simple!

And what did I feed them?

I fed them a selection of baits from THE HOOKBAIT COMPANY because they are selling a bucket with my face on it!!

And it would be rude to not use a bucket that has my face on it…Seriously, if a company is going to sell a bucket that doubles up as rat and medium sized vermin repellent  proven to keep away rats, cats, badgers and small otters I should at least do them the courtesy of using the bloody thing!

Of course I should use the thing I told them what to put in it so that the angler on the go can pick one up and get out at the drop of a hat!

The Stimanol powder when mixed with a little bit of salmon crumb and blitzed pellet makes a superb paste.

Paste is in my opinion the greatest edge there is on the river. It adds that final bit of chutzpah to an already good bait and an already good bait is the starting point that is the difference between success and at best mediocrity or at worst failure.

That isn’t to say there aren’t other “edges” I use, of course there are one such edge is “glooping” my baits and dusting them off with a little bit of powder.

Sometimes I even paste wrap, gloop and dust for absolute maximum impact…it can’t hurt in the short term although it is never a good idea to place all your eggs in one basket as it would be catastrophic if you were to blow all your edges in one go, it is better to “rotate the bait” and keep things a surprise.

Anyway less of my edges and back to the 7lb chub…

For no other reason than I like mentioning that I have had a 7lb chub, when I got my shit together and decided that it ws impossible to get anyone down to take some shots and it would be unwise to retain such a creature in my landing net for several hours I set about doing some “self-takes”.

Self takes are ok but I have to admit if I thought that I could have got Matt Brown to drive 90 miles at 2am I would have preferred to have had him do the honours but that wasn’t going to happen so here are a few of my selfies…

 The pictures start sensible…

This is the picture that I sent to Angling Times after they asked if they could “run with the story”, to be honest I wasn’t going to send the fish into any of the papers but I did however state on Facebook that if anyone wanted the story they could have it, Abigail Brewster wanted it..Angling Time got it. Will anything more come of it?

I don’t know.

Am I bothered? Not really…A friend of mine and fellow Trent angler Alan Bowles, a man that has landed more chub than I have had hot dinners and boasts of a PB of 7lb 9oz sent me this message via Facebook

“The capture of a 7lb Chub, can mean so many things to so many different anglers, a dream that must happen at all cost, a chance encounter, a wonderful surprise, a lucky break, the culmination of a plan, the reward for intense effort, a highlight to a fishing season, a highlight to a fishing career, or perhaps just another 7lb Chub. These “dream” Chub, are rare creatures that do not grace the nets of even the most proficient and keenest of anglers. They are usually the highlight of an angling career and are often referred to as “the fish of a life time”. All you have to do is find them and catch them. Well done Lee.. Alan.”

Alan sums it up perfectly for me and in doing so gave my chub all the kudos that it and I could ever ask for

 After the first shot was taken the reality of the situation started to sink in…I had caught the fish of my dreams

 And then the emotions just kick in…I have “done it”

I suppose I looked a little bit like this after an older woman of Leicester Forrest East had taken advantage of my tender age and state inebriation after a staff party…oh, happy days.

 This picture however is how I want to remember the capture of this fish, this isn’t a stuck on smile generated for the papers, this is me in genuine hysterics, lost in a world of happiness…it is however rather disconcerting that I look a little like a mad axe man that is about to go on a rampage.

And moving on…

Oh yes, before I forget..I bagged a few barbel as well, the biggest being an impressive 13lb 8oz!

What a way to open a seasons account!

The alarm on my clock went off at 12 midnight and by 12:01 I had both rods in place a few liners and knocks punctuated the next few hours but at 2:45 am the bottom rod went off like a bastard and at 2:51 am this was being taken!!

Yes, I look very happy indeed.

I could not however imagine that the session would get any better!! Oh how wrong was I?

Killer bait?

A paste wrap the size of a “doves egg”, which is smaller than a chickens egg but larger than a quails egg…Is that too cheffy an analogy of bait size?

Whatever…just get some HBC Lee Swords buckets…they work a treat.

 

And moving on again…

Butterflies are now on the wing in massive numbers when the sun comes out and I am getting new species almost every day now. Today however I went out to get some Burnet moths as I find them rather stunning, I also like the very similar Cinnabar moths, I went out first at about 9am as as I also wanted to shift some spiders and assorted cocoons and caterpillars from Bowden Houstead before the bulldozers raze the place to the ground.

The session went really well and I managed to rescue a few hundred caterpillars, a couple of dozen cocoons that will like the caterpillars be placed upon the same plants that they were removed from as they are very touchy when it comes to what they eat.

It would be pointless placing caterpillars that were feeding on nettles on anything other than nettles and the same goes with every type of caterpillar, they have a food plant, use it.

Lucky for these little chaps I have spent the last 6 months moving their fodder plants or finding suitable second homes for them when they have to be moved.

And they do have to be moved because Sheffield City Council is almost entirely made up of dickheads That wouldn’t know the meaning of “environmental” if it jumped up and bit their genitals off!

And finally…

David Blunkett MP is retiring from politics and what do I think to this little bit of news? I think it is about fucking time! What a cock-end for Britain this man has been, instigator and architect of the open door immigration policy and the inspiration for the City of Sanctuary status Sheffield now enjoys. I know it is supposedly wrong to speak ill of the dead and the afflicted and one should refrain from saying anything bad about a person if nothing good can be found but I am not one to follow tradition.

” David Blunkett you were a fucking disaster for Britain, you did your level best to destroy something Great and replace it with something altogether lesser, so from the very bottom of my heart I say this, fuck you, fuck your politics and fuck the horse you ride out on”

I expect he will be getting a Knighthood in about 11 months…

“Sir Cuntface of Brightside”

Reyt…that’s all for now…Ciao…its been emotional!